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ADAM SANDLER - The Goat Song Added by Site Admin on 2004-12-28 12:17:10

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Performed by adam sandler, allen covert, jon rosenburg, and mike thompsonI am a simple goatI live on the back of a pick-up truckThe old man tied me here with a 3-foot ropeAm I happy he don't give a fuckHe's filled with anger, and filled with rageAnd tells me I smell like pissHis drink, jimmy beanHis chaser, a bearAfter that, various alcoholsThat's when the beatings get so severeAsleep I pray he fallsBut don't feel sorry for meThings weren't always this badWhy, when I was a young talking goatThe old man was just like my dadI come from the hills of europeThat's where I met the old manHe was lost in the woods, I gave him directionsHe gave me a tuna canThen he stopped in his tracksAnd he said, hey goat!Would you like to live with me? I've got a house with a pick-up truckIn a place across the seaI said, sure, why not, I've got no familyYou seem like a nice guySo we went off to americaThe home of the apple pieOn the boat, the old man told meI would be a present for his wifeA talking goat! he exclaimed,She'd never seen this in her lifeI felt so special!Well, I just couldn't believe itAfter all theses years I finally had a friendHe trimmed my beardHe scraped my hoovesI prayed it would never endBut when we got to his houseThere was no wifeOnly a short, short letterIt said: I'm leaving you for your broherBecause he fucks me betterHis eyes filled with tears of sadnessHis heart was filled with griefTo soothe himself he drank a pint of old granddadAnd beat me like a side of beefI screamed, send me back to the hills of europe!He just shook his head and said, nope!No one will ever leave me againTo make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope.Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 yearsMy only friend is the am radioSometimes the neighborhood children stop byBut it's always rocks and beer bottles they throwAt first they're excited to see a talking goatThey gather around to hear what I have to sayBut I guess sometimes my stories go ont too longSo they leave and giggle I need a bidetBut you know there was a night that I did get off the truckWhen the old man was passed out drunkThree neightborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concertThe kind of music, old-school funkIt was the first time I got off the truckThe music made me lose controlThe lead singer asked if we were having funI said, fucking crank that rock 'n roll!The women at the show were beautifulAs they danced sexily on the soft grassOne of them even petted my furFuck me in the goat-ass!Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the hornsAnd threw me in the mosh pitThey passed me around and treated me nieTill I nerviously sprayed them with shitThen the music stoppedAnd everything was quiteAnd all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riotKill the goat!Kill the goat!Kill the goat!Kill the goat!They chased me under the bleachersThey chased me onto the streetThey chased me into an alleyAnd said I was a dead fucking goat meatBut then I saw a sightThat I never thought I'd seeThe old man swinging his hickory stickBut he wasn't swinging at meFuck you, pot-smoking turkeys!Don't you press your luck!The long hairs ran away screamingAs I scrambled onto the truckWhen we got home, the old man said,Goat, you broke the sacred lawNo! please! sorry! shit!I'll let it go this time, but if you leave againI'll break your fucking jaw!Super! great! okay!Thank you old man, for saving my lifeThank you again and againYou could have let them barbeque me,But you acted like a friendI'm not your friend, I don't even like youI'm just not drunk, he saidTo prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcoholAnd beat the fucking shit out of my tailboneAnd I'll probably never walk straight againI guess you'd call me a scapegoatA punching bag for the old man to mockJust because his wife left himFor his brother's abnormally large cockHe could have been my buddyBut instead he's a crazy old fuckAnd, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal homeThe back of the pick-up truckGoodnight, old man!Yeah, goodnight goat!

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