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I met with napper tandyAnd I shook him by the handHe said hold me up for chrissakeFor I can hardly standThe most disgraceful journeyOn which I've ever beenThe last time that I travelled onThe boat trainI had a couple of drinks in townA few more at the portI puked up on the gangwayBut some kind folks helped me boardThey helped me to a tablePoured whiskey down my throatThey sat me at a tableAnd I lost my watch and coatFirst we drank some whiskeyThen we drank some ginThen we drank tequilaI think that's what did me inThen we drank some brandyAnd the women had a danceThe steward then announcedThat we could play the game of chanceWe crowded round the tableWith our money in our handsI ended up on the other sideWithout a penny in my pantsI woke up in the toiletWhen we got to holyheadThe doors were all a-bangingAnd I wished that I was deadThen we went through customsA couple of credited thugsFirst they looked for [bombs] and jointsThen they looked for drugsStuck a flashlight up my assTold us where there's jobsSaid fuck off now paddySo I headed for [the s]mokeOn the boat train(or then we went through customsWith a couple of crazy thugsFirst they looked for [bombs] and jointsThen they looked for drugsStuck a flashlight up my assTold some irish jokesSaid fuck off now, paddySo I headed for [the s]mokeOn the boat train )We got on board the trainAnd then we had a drink or twoStarted playing pokerBut the booze ran out at creweSome people started sleepingOthers looked for duty freeSome bastard started singingThe little cottage by the leeHe then sang paper rosesBoolavogue eileen aruSomebody started slagging offThe pakis and the jewsFirst I found some whiskeyThen I found some ginI sat down in the cornerAnd I read the daily newsFirst I drank the whiskeyThen I drank the ginI tried to make the toiletAnd I broke my fuckin shinNext thing that I knewI was in london in the rainStaggering up the platformOff the boat train
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