So many presents
So little time
Santa won't be coming around my house this year
'cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear
Oh mama made it perfectly clear
Santa don't like bad boys...especially jewish ones.

Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire
So why did I have to set the pizza guy's hair on fire
I told him I was sorry
I'm a liar
So no toys for me...i don't deserve them.

I couldn't wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared
But then I told my grandma that she had a beard.

Dear santa

I know what my problem iswhy I can't be goodit's a fear of intimacy.
You see my whole life whenever I've met someone really great like you and
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I keep feeling like I'm getting close to themsomething inside me makes
Me want to screw it up. so in a weird way the reason I'm so bad is because
I love you santa.

Rock-em sock-em robots is what I was hoping for
But then I made a death threat to vice president gore
Oh santa won't be knocking on my door
'cos he's a big fat whore...what made me say that?

Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed
So why'd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed
So santa please give me that easy bake oven
I swear I thought billy goats we're made for lovin'.

So santa won't you accept my apologies
Santa can't you see I'm begging you please
Oh santa next year I'll do you right
Live from new york it's saturday night...

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