My Unfortunate Erection (Chip's Lament) lyrics

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CHIP
(spoken) Fritos! M & M’s? Oreos. All for one dollar.
(sung) It is tradition
That the person eliminated
From the competition
Is fair game for derision
Especially the alpha-male
Will sell goodies at the bake sale

Anyone for brownies
Anyone for chocolate chips
Anyone for anything
That isn’t dated
How could I have been
Eliminated?
You wanna know how?
You wanna know how?
You wanna know why?

My unfortunate erection
Is destroying my perfection
It is my recollection
That everything I once did
I did perfectly
(spoken) Last year’s champ defeated!
(sung) Because of
Marigold Coneybear
Because there’s something and not a thing between us
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I don’t blame my brain but I do blame my penis

My unfortunate protuberance
Seems to have its own exuberance
Anyone for M & M’s?
Delicious and appropriate
Anyone for Chewy Goobers?
Inexpensive
Anyone for buying the shit that I’m selling?
Because my stiffy has ruined my spelling

Erection
Erection
My unfortunate erection
Whoa
It’s ruining my life
It’s ruining my world
It’s ruining my
Ruining
Ruining
Ruining my life
My life

Adulthood brings its own peculiar rejection
Which is why I’m selling this PTA
Confection
It will ruin your complexion
All because of my unfortunate
Erection
Oh God!